She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
