I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
