Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
