Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
