there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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