just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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