Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize