I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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