physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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