if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize