A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize