I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
