I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Im part way to drunk.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
