Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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