I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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