Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
