# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
