I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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