Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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