I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
