This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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