come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
