i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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