also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
