Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Randomize
