i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
