I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
