Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize