I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
