They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
