I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize