I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
