boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
