Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
