Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
