note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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