some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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