I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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