At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
His hands were made for my vagina.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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