so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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