Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
