I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
