he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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