if you like me you must not know who I am
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
