why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
