You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
