So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Randomize
