it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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