The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize