I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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