Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
