i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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