I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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