been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
