WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
