my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Alive.
So much puke
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
