i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
They are going to name an STD after you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
