I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My life is pants optional.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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