my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
