I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
