I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
