I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
