If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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