i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
