pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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