Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
