I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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