I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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