well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
