I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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