he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
