His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
