what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
