he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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