He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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