I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
