There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
